Yesterday marked two weeks of being single, and today marks a week of being in the state of "no hope for immediate reconciliation" (which is the day that I'm marking my little "journal entries" from. Haha wow that sounds kind of morbid, but basically a week of trying to get over my feelings.
I was doing fine. Went to work, had a busy day. Held T-ball practice for my kiddos, we start our games next week and I'm excited! But that's not what got me down. It was when I called home and talked to Caidin. He was so excited to hear that I was going to be coming down to Utah. Of course I will be! But then he asked if Ben was going to be coming too. Uh... What? How did he manage not to know? So I told him that Ben and I were no longer dating and he thought I was joking. It made me sad to not only have to explain, but to also realize that he was upset about it.
It made me remember when my parents came into town in April to pick up Alyssa. Ben and I had watched a movie with Caidin when all of a sudden he goes "I approve." What? "It means that all this was a test and you passed." Ahh the good ol' days.
You know, I feel like I'm doing pretty good containing my thoughts and feelings. But I was still nervous to go to a new ward on Sunday and then to FHE on Monday. Sunday was ok. I met a few new people and my bishopric. On Monday, Hannah and Marisa made comments about how smoking hot I was looking. They joked about how many guys would ask for my number. Well lets just say that I am absolutely thankful that no one did! I am sure I would have totally freaked if they had. I may be ready to get out and do things with groups, but I am nowhere close to being ready to start going on dates. That's just weird. Who knows how long it will take. Yeah, I think a guy here and there is cute. But PLEASE! I am not even thinking about or wanting to go on dates. UUUGGGHHH!
This morning I've been trying to find music to add so my i-pod for my trip down to Utah. I've been listening to a ton of Tim McGraw. This song hit me...
I am excited to go to Utah tomorrow, but am not so excited about being alone with my thoughts for so long.
I was doing fine. Went to work, had a busy day. Held T-ball practice for my kiddos, we start our games next week and I'm excited! But that's not what got me down. It was when I called home and talked to Caidin. He was so excited to hear that I was going to be coming down to Utah. Of course I will be! But then he asked if Ben was going to be coming too. Uh... What? How did he manage not to know? So I told him that Ben and I were no longer dating and he thought I was joking. It made me sad to not only have to explain, but to also realize that he was upset about it.
It made me remember when my parents came into town in April to pick up Alyssa. Ben and I had watched a movie with Caidin when all of a sudden he goes "I approve." What? "It means that all this was a test and you passed." Ahh the good ol' days.
You know, I feel like I'm doing pretty good containing my thoughts and feelings. But I was still nervous to go to a new ward on Sunday and then to FHE on Monday. Sunday was ok. I met a few new people and my bishopric. On Monday, Hannah and Marisa made comments about how smoking hot I was looking. They joked about how many guys would ask for my number. Well lets just say that I am absolutely thankful that no one did! I am sure I would have totally freaked if they had. I may be ready to get out and do things with groups, but I am nowhere close to being ready to start going on dates. That's just weird. Who knows how long it will take. Yeah, I think a guy here and there is cute. But PLEASE! I am not even thinking about or wanting to go on dates. UUUGGGHHH!
This morning I've been trying to find music to add so my i-pod for my trip down to Utah. I've been listening to a ton of Tim McGraw. This song hit me...
"and right there for a minute I forgot that you don't love me anymore..."
Tim McGraw sings the songs of my soul. BUT I haven't cried since Sunday!!! hallelujah...I am excited to go to Utah tomorrow, but am not so excited about being alone with my thoughts for so long.
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